Work Is A Bitch Then You Die

Hey Underdogs!

It's hard to believe we choose to work like dogs - and our only reward...?! Dog treatment! Oh the irony! Well to be fair, that treatment all depends on the part of the pound we find ourselves because my mother treats her fur friends to properly seasoned and cooked meals.  She walks them and she grooms them.  She even walks behind them and cleans their poop.  I suppose that's the work equivalent of perks and tokens enjoyed by the supervisors' pets.

I often find myself pondering what my everyday life would look like had Adam and Eve not committed all of humanity to damning condemnation.  I'm pretty confident that I wouldn't have had to endure:

• annoying morning alarms jolting me awake at the most ridiculous hour with the ensuing headache.
• rushing to get to a meeting on time while everyone else is late.
• unnecessary small talk from colleagues who haven't yet figured out that silence need not always be filled.
• having to learn people's stupidly ridiculous job titles - what the heck does a Chief Happiness Officer do anyway?  Why is the work environment still toxic?! You only have one job, Ronald.
• being forced to entertain the oversharing colleague. I really didn't need to know that your husband's side-chick is taking you both to court for child support and the child has his godfather's ears.
• fake friendliness or plastic smiles that last a total of one second.  I kid you not.
•  the 'Tattle Tales' and the 'Knowers'.  Yes Miranda - I know you're on top of the office gossip because your supervisor is your mother's sister's niece's cousin ten times removed and you know things.
• the 'Happy Birthday" song.  Honestly, no one cares.
• noisy typers and loud chewers. Gosh.
• the Saint Bernadine who just needed to crawl in to work to save the day while "deathly ill" because no one else could unjam the copier.  Oh - apparently she didn't even know what day of the week it was but miraculously managed to emerge all disheveled five minutes late to make the perfect grand entrance. The sheer brilliance of it all. You deserve an award. Standing ovation. Bravo.
• another stupid meeting that could have easily been an email.
• hearing "that's how we've always done it."  I know Dorothy didn't expect me to take the minutes verbatim when there's technology available to record and transcribe it.  I will make hand notes of the critical points, Dorothy. Relax. I got this. 
• colleagues who are constantly stressed and frantically trying to get the simplest tasks accomplished.  I mean... I've heard about "busy work"...
• colleagues who are constantly lamenting how busy they are.  Maybe employ hand - mouth coordination or something...?
• stupid ice breakers before meetings.  The death of me.
• appraisals.  Especially "good" appraisals with no merit increases.  Such a waste of time.  
• the complainers.  About everything. What now...?!
• the colleagues who agree with every vindictive thing the Top Dog says, every bit of questionable policy implemented all because she has her heart set on a promotion even if it's just for a little while.  Heck - we know you've been secretly practicing your new acting job title and you've already budgeted that acting pay.

Being cognizant of all the stressors and triggers at work, I know the majority of us work because we have no choice.  Let’s face it - we have to meet our basic needs: food, shelter and clothing for ourselves and our families.  Then, most of us require creature comforts: travel, spa dates, higher education  - because let's face it - we could probably make it through life without ever learning proper sentence structure and geometry.  On the other hand, I think education is really a need because we see how a lack of it leaves us at the mercy of questionable characters.  Maybe I should just leave this alone after-all our elders often say book sense isn’t common and common sense isn’t that common.

I've been told that some people CHOOSE to work so they can find companionship.  It just behooves me that people seek human interaction and relationships with other people they often just grow to despise.  Just... WHY?! But apparently YOU GUYS do seek to engage with people who share similar interests as your own.  Notice I've removed myself from participation in this type of behavior.  You guys are on your own.  To be fair though,  I have come across wonderful colleagues who I’ve been able to work with for the greater good.  There have been instances where I’ve really questioned my penchant for punishment, though.

Sometimes we see our jobs as wonderful opportunities to achieve our highest potential. We start out with the aim to reach new goals socially and intellectually.  We are driven to learn new things. Yet, how many times have we been sorely disappointed that our employers not only fell short of their promises to encourage and support personal development on the job, but they had actually lied to us just to lure us into their messy maze? Ever been told by the hiring manager “we’re like a little family"? Well, I pride myself on being a fast learner - so these days so I've made it my duty to ask “what kind of family?’  No more surprises for me. No sir ma'am.

I'm truly happy for people who are able to pursue jobs they enjoy. Boy are we green eyed over here. These are people who wake up each day excited to pursue their passion and purpose.  I could be delusional, but I’d like to think that we all have that aspiration. And then you have those other people – it’s like they show up on the job each day to be “kill joys”. 

At some point in our lives we want to be of service to others.  We are driven to engage in work that improves the human condition. Some people like to make valuable products, offer useful services - in general, they just want to make a positive impact on society. So tell me why should all this goodwill stuff be overshadowed by office drama because Debbie was upset that she didn't know I applied for the new position in Admin…? Maybe she didn't get the memo: MOST OF US ARE HERE TO MAKE MONEY and to be of service to others while making tons of money for the Top Dogs and not necessarily to make friends.  Like I said - I've been super lucky to have gained three valuable friendships in the midst of all the dog eat dog chaotic drama at work. I'll let you in on the deets when I eventually get around to story time.

In a utopian world, I would be looking for security in my chosen occupation. I need to know that I have a  job to report to as long as there is life in me so that I can earn money. Because like it or not - I really work to earn money despite all my other good will, feel good intentions.  And - I'll go on record here and admit I sometimes find it super difficult to believe the ultra happy people who claim that they wouldn't think of doing anything else in life but the crappy job they work in for a pittance when they can't even pay their bills.  And they can't buy food far less go to the hairdresser once in a blue moon. But ok. You just LOVE every aspect of your job. And the horrible boss who made no effort to even learn your name. And the supervisor who actually keeps track of your frequent bathroom breaks due to your bad bladder that you developed because of your crappy job in the first place.  And you don't even have access to a group health insurance plan and there is absolutely no way you can afford one on your own.  I am desperate to believe you.  I digress. Anyways - I am really interested in creating stability in my life in order to make realistic and effective future plans. Unfortunately, corporate greed and all the other office woes have essentially eliminated the prospect of job security. I don’t even want to get started on Covid -19.

All ambitious people I’ve come across are interested in securing jobs that offer opportunities for advancement. We also like to entertain the notion that employers are interested in employing people who welcome challenges and who want to be successful in life. After all, infusing your company with success minded individuals should automatically position you for success. I swear some Top Dogs are inept. Or they feel, perhaps threatened by the Under Dogs...

When we embark on our professional journeys, we often envision being happy with our work.  I once read about a famous inventor who was encouraged by his wife to take a vacation. He responded to her by saying that he couldn't think of anything he would rather do than work in his lab.  I suppose most people who choose their occupations wisely, will ultimately thoroughly enjoy their work which leads to their overall happiness.  Unfortunately, given the high rates of unemployment confronting this world we live in, millions of people don’t really get “to choose their occupations wisely”.  People are forced to accept the first job that comes along because having any job is better than having no job and they decide to take what comes up first while they continue to look for the job that speaks to their soul.  Many of us know how hellish underemployment can be.  But let me tell you what's really tragic!  People will make the effort and the necessary sacrifices to dig themselves out of the doldrums  but they sometimes get stuck in jobs they really hate because hiring managers grow wary when they see that prospective employees are “Jumpers”.  They are ultimately denied the opportunity to be fully engaged and fulfilled in a job they will love and could find happiness in because of unrealistic and judgmental HR hiring practices.  How many Top Dogs remained in the same jobs all their lives? Is that where you started? Rant over.

Have you ever been the victim of a toxic work place? Have you ever listened to someone relate their own workplace trauma and you suddenly realized you're not the only one? How did you get through it? Would you like to share your story anonymously? Email us @dogeatdogglobal@gmail.com. Your experience might help someone in a similar situation.  The toxic work status quo must go!